Posted on

Letter To Safaricom by @Attilla_IV

Dear Safaricom

I am not angry, I am confused. I will labor not to cuss you out or be offensive in this very short letter, but should I fail, please bear with me. It is the confusion.

Before I go any further, I know that you probably an equivalent of my browser history on file somewhere, please do not leak that. It is not that I have political aspirations, far from it. I am just concerned that my mother finding out I look at midget (sorry, vertically challenges people) porn will make Sunday suppers a tad awkward.

Now that we have established the rules of engagement, can someone please explain to me who owns the property to bundles once I purchase them? See, I had this crazy idea from my Sales of Goods Act class in law school that once purchased, property transfers to the purchaser, who can do with said good as he pleases…right?! Wrong!!

I have read your rules here

In your infinite wisdom, oh great and powerful Safaricom, you have deemed me unworthy of controlling or doing with as I please my own bundles. For what am I but a loyal customer who spends his had earned money on buying from you, the means of getting onto the internet. I possess not your knowledge on how to use these bundles adequately or to my own liking. I am an irresponsible child, and cannot fathom the power that these bundles have over the fate of humanity. Why else would you limit how much I can share MY bundles to 20MBs a day?!

Please bear with me…I haven’t cussed you out yet right?

First, aren’t they MY bundles? Should I have say, 2GB in my modem, and my phone gets that “below 2.00 MB” message y’all are fond of sending me, shouldn’t I be at liberty to send MY phone bundles from MY modem, at a quantity of my choosing? I don’t see why YOU, should be the one to decide as to how many MBs of data I should share between my devices, or with my relatives or with the devil should the opportunity to bargain for a better room in hell arise!! MY DATA BUNDLES!!

And can you account for my data usage?! Because my calculations differ from ours like night and day. It is not the first or the last time I will sleep with 4 gigs of data remaining and wake up to that annoying “below 2.00MB” message. Do my dreams consume data? Are there goblins that come in the middle of the night and visit exploitedmoms.com on my phone? Do I have a sleep surfing condition I am unaware of? What is it?!

This has been bugging me all day, and I am writing this very quickly so that the rain does not find me in the office. Please expound on my issues or the nest time I WILL CUSS YOU THE FUCK OUT!!

Your Loyal Customer,

Wile E.

Continue reading “Letter To Safaricom by @Attilla_IV”